An Act of Redemption Read online

  Yeah, she does know that because I vent to her often about it. “Sure, I would love that, thanks.” I look back to Annabelle and give her a big squeeze then smooch on her chubby little cheek. “I’ll see you soon, lil’ sister.”

  She beams at me like always when I refer to her as that, but that’s what she is. My little sister. We don’t need blood between us to make it a fact. Jaxson and Julia have been trying for years to have more kids but it hasn’t worked out. I think they have made peace with it.

  I hand Annabelle back to Jaxson and kiss his cheek. “Bye, see you soon.”

  “Bye, kid. Call me if you need anything.”

  “Always.” After one last wave to everyone I leave and head back to campus. Back to the safe and boring life I’ve had for the last four years.

  *

  Nancy walks into the back as I’m finishing up the dishes, looking as tired as I feel. “Hey, hon, Sarge just walked in for a meal. I told him he’s late and we’re already cleaning up, but you know how grumpy that man can be. Can you deal with him? He’s always nice to you.”

  I smile. “Of course.”

  “Thank you. Go on and I’ll finish this up.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yep.”

  Before heading out I grab some leftovers and make him a plate, to which Nancy shakes her head at, but I ignore it. If there’s food left then that man is getting some. I also make sure to grab my purse, remembering what I have in it for him.

  Walking out into the dining area I see him sitting at a table in his grungy brown coat and fingerless black gloves, my heart hurting and smiling at the same time.

  “Hey, there’s my girl,” he croaks out with a crooked smile. A harsh coughing spell follows right after and I notice his voice is raspier than usual.

  “Hi, Sarge.” I lay his plate down in front of him and give him a kiss on his cheek, something that many of the girls who help out here frown upon, but I don’t care. The man is homeless not a disease. Every decent human being deserves kindness.

  “Ah, I knew you would come through for me,” he says, digging into his food right away. “I’ve missed you, where have you been? You know I don’t like anyone else here, they’re all snippy.”

  “They’re snippy because you’re grumpy to them,” I explain with a smile as I take the seat next to him.

  He harrumphs. “They just don’t know how to take a joke, they’re too uptight.”

  I bite back a chuckle, he’s partly right. “Well I’ll be here for the next three nights, so make sure you’re on time and I’ll make sure to be the one to serve you. Deal?”

  He looks over and gives me a wink. “All right, deal.”

  “Good.”

  I change the topic and visit with him while he finishes his supper. I notice him cough a lot throughout our conversation. Finally, at his third harsh spell, I pat him on the back and ask him about it. “Are you doing okay?”

  He waves away my concern. “I’m fine, kid, I’m always fine.”

  “You don’t sound it,” I press gently.

  “It’s just a cold. I got stuck in the rain the other night for a while. No big deal.”

  “How did you get stuck in the rain?” I ask, my concern escalating. “Aren’t you staying at the shelter?”

  “Most nights,” he replies with a shrug. When I remain silent he looks over at me to see my troubled expression. “I’m fine, Anna. Believe me, I’ve stayed in far worse places when I was in the Marines.”

  It’s not the first time he told me he used to be in the Marines. I decide to ask him about it, but make sure to tread cautiously. “Can I ask you something?”

  By the soft tone of my voice he knows what’s coming. He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. “You want to know how I ended up here,” he says it as more of a statement than a question.

  “Yeah, if you don’t mind sharing it with me. I want to understand how a man who fought for our country ended up here.”

  Our gazes lock, and I see the moment he decides he’s going to share his story with me. Breaking eye contact he looks straight ahead, focusing on nothing in particular yet seeming to see everything. “You know, when I first enlisted into the Marines I couldn’t wait. The rush of fighting for your country and making a difference.” He shakes his head. “There’s nothing like it, Anna. You make friendships and family with your fellow soldiers. You live with them day in and day out, fighting alongside them. You sleep next to them in the shittiest conditions known to man. They’re like the brothers you’ve never had. You live, breathe and sleep this bond, you trust no one more in the world to watch your back. And then…you watch a lot of them die.” I see him visibly swallow and it makes my own throat burn. “It’s hard, really fucking hard, but you understand that this shit happens. It’s a part of that life and you made the choice, so you tamp it down and push forward. You think you’re okay and you live this way for years. Then, when you’re done and you come home, suddenly there’s too much time to think. The silence and the normalcy bring those long-buried demons to the surface fast. People think once you’re out then you’ve made it through the hardest part, but it’s not like that at all. For so many years you’ve been conditioned to live as a trained machine that you forget what it’s like to live as a civilian.”

  Tears blur my eyes but I clench my jaw and hold them back because I know he wouldn’t appreciate them. “What about counseling?” I ask, trying to keep my voice even. “Don’t they get you help?”

  A bitter laugh escapes him. “After so many cutbacks, unless you have the money, the little help that’s offered isn’t enough.” He clears his throat. “It’s my fault though and I know it. I dealt with it wrong. I secluded myself and drank myself into oblivion. I lost my wife, my house—everything. I allowed my life to spiral out of control, and by the time I woke up it was too late and I had nothing left.” He looks at me now with shame and regret burning in his tired grey eyes, looking much older than his fifty-five years. “So many people look at me and have no idea what I used to be. They don’t know that I was a respected man who fought for his country. They only see a bum on the street, who they think is too fucking lazy to work. They don’t know that I’ve tried to get a job, but who the fuck is going to hire a bum? The companies I’ve applied at look at my clothes and see I haven’t showered for a few days. Some say they will call me, but on what phone? I got no fucking phone. But you know what? I’ll never accept money from anyone, nor will I ask for it. I’ll survive how I have to and I will do it on my own.”

  I know he won’t accept help because I’ve tried before and he got really angry about it. My heart aches at his story and I try to think of the right words to say but nothing seems compassionate enough. “Believe it or not, I can relate a little to what you’re saying.”

  He quirks a disbelieving brow that makes me chuckle. “Are you tryin’ to tell me a sweet, beautiful girl like you knows what it’s like to live in hell?”

  My smile vanishes and I sober quickly. “Yeah, I do. It’s a different hell than yours but it was hell nonetheless.” He waits for me to elaborate and I decide to share my story since he shared his. “Seven years ago I was abducted into the sex trafficking industry while on a field trip with my school in Thailand. I was only fourteen.”

  “Jesus,” he breathes out, shock registering on his face and a rage I know so well lighting his eyes.

  “It was the worst week of my life, but it’s also the same place where I met the most amazing men, one in particular who became my brother for life. He’s a former Navy SEAL.”

  “Ah, an arrogant motherfucker,” he says with a smile, trying to lighten the mood, and it works.

  I snicker. “Yeah, he can be, but all three of them are incredibly honorable and they would give you everything they had if you were in need.” I pause and look up at him. “They kind of remind me of you. Maybe you could meet them one day?” I suggest carefully.

  “Maybe.” I can tell he doesn’t mean it, but I don’t push, at least
not right now. “Come on, let’s get out of here, I’ve kept you long enough and Bandit is waiting for me,” he says, talking about the stray dog he’s had with him for the last past months.

  He goes to pack a dinner roll for the dog but I stop him before he can put it in his pocket. “Wait, I have something else for you.” I take out the plastic bag that’s in my purse and hand it to him.

  “Anna,” he scolds, his tone disapproving.

  “Please don’t be mad, it’s nothing big, I promise.” He takes it and looks inside to see protein bars, fruit and dog biscuits. “It’s enough for you and Bandit during the days until I see you here in the evenings.”

  “You didn’t have to do this,” he grumbles, though it’s weak.

  “I know, but I wanted to.”

  He blows out a heavy breath then wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. “You’re a good cookie, Anna.”

  “Thanks, I love cookies,” I say jokingly, making us both chuckle.

  We get up from our seats and make our way out the front door. As soon as I step outside I lean down to greet Bandit. “Hey there, boy,” I coo, giving him a big rubdown. “I gave Sarge some treats for you, but don’t eat too many or you’ll get a bellyache.” I give him a kiss on the head and he attacks my face with his sloppy tongue. I jump back with a laugh and wipe the slobber away. Turning, I see Sarge watching me with a smile.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow night?” he asks hopefully.

  I nod. “Yes, you will.”

  “Bye, kid. Thanks again,” he says, holding up the bag.

  “You’re welcome. Bye.”

  I watch him and Bandit walk down the street, heading to what I’m hoping is the shelter. With a heavy heart I turn around to start my walk home, but come to a hard stop when I see Logan at the end of the street, leaning casually against his bike. Our gazes lock and my pulse spikes hard and fast.

  What the hell is he doing here?

  Knowing there’s only one way to find out, I take a deep breath then start toward him, putting a confidence in my step that I don’t feel. His eyes rove down my body, causing that familiar little flip in my tummy that I haven’t felt in years and it irks me to no end.

  “Hey,” he greets me casually.

  “What are you doing here?”

  He watches me for a moment before responding, the intensity of his eyes evoking all sorts of emotions that I don’t want to feel. “I found something at the club that I think you dropped.”

  My heart stutters to a stop because I know exactly what he’s talking about. Sure enough, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out my bracelet. I realized when I got home that it must have fallen off and it killed me to think I’d lost it. Not because he’s the one who gave it to me—not at all. Only because it’s gotten me through some really tough times.

  “Thanks.” I take it from him then slip it in my pocket instead of putting it on. I hate that he knows I still wear it but I’m relieved he found it.

  “Where’s your car?” he asks.

  “I walked.”

  A frown mars his face. “This isn’t the safest part of town to be walking in, Anna.”

  I tense at the disapproval in his tone. “I’ve walked it many times, Logan. But thanks for the concern and the bracelet.” I start off, needing to get away from him and all the feelings spiraling through me. He catches up to me then slows his stride to match mine. I look over at him, not bothering to hide my annoyance. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  “I think it’s safe to assume you won’t let me drive you back so I guess that means I’m walking you.”

  “I don’t need a babysitter!” I snap.

  He shrugs. “Maybe not, but either way you shouldn’t be walking home this late at night by yourself.”

  “I’m actually quite capable of taking care of myself, Jaxson taught me. If you would like I could demonstrate on you.”

  He glances over at me with a smirk. It softens his hard expression and has butterflies fluttering in my tummy. I look away, hating that after all this time he can still affect me this way.

  The jerk.

  The silence between us becomes deafening and downright awkward. Logan is the one to end up breaking it. “I heard you’re studying psychology.”

  “Yup,” I respond abruptly, not liking that he knows another thing about me when I still know nothing about him.

  It doesn’t matter, Anna. You don’t care about what’s going on with him, I remind myself.

  “Are you liking it?”

  “Yup.”

  “That’s good.”

  Before I can stop it a scoff escapes me and I want to kick myself. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling so bitter and angry, but that’s exactly how I feel. The last time we spoke was when he ripped out my heart, and now we’re just supposed to have a normal conversation, like nothing ever happened.

  “You know, Anna, if you have something to say then just say it.”

  “I have nothing to say to you.” I lie.

  “Clearly you do, so just fucking say it.”

  I stop and turn on him. “Why are you doing this? Why did you come here tonight?”

  “To give you back the fucking bracelet, I said that.”

  “Who cares about the bracelet!” I snap.

  “You obviously do or I wouldn’t have fucking found it.”

  Hating that he’s right, I shake my head and start off again. I’m not strong enough to hash this shit out right now. I don’t make it far before he grabs both of my arms and pulls me against him. “Say it! Just fucking say what you really want to say,” he demands, his face only inches from mine and his eyes finally showing the same frustration I’m feeling.

  “Why are you acting like four years ago didn’t happen?” I shout, unable to hold back any longer.

  “Do you really think I can act like it didn’t happen? I’ve been fucking living it every goddamn day.”

  “What about me?” I wail. “Do you think I’ve forgotten what you did to me?”

  His expression softens but his gaze remains fierce. “No, Anna, I don’t, but don’t you understand why I did it?”

  “Oh yeah, I understand perfectly—you didn’t trust me.”

  “That’s not true! Trust had nothing to do with it. I knew you would stay, I knew you would stick it out and I didn’t want that for you. My life was fucking over, I wasn’t going to ruin yours, too.”

  “It wasn’t your choice to make!” I scream. “It was mine and you stole it from me.” My breath hitches and I can’t hold back my tears any longer. “I went back every weekend for two months and you never came out, not once.” Every word falls with agonized sobs. “And now you think you can just ask me about my life but keep yours a secret? Well fuck you!” I rip out of his grip and run, not wanting him to see how deep my pain still runs.

  Thankfully, he doesn’t come after me, but I didn’t expect him to. There’s nothing left to say between us. No matter what he says I’ll never forget what it felt like to show up every weekend only to be sent away. It’s a pain I will remember forever.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Logan

  I pull up in front of the small house that holds a lot of memories for me—most of them not good—and am surprised to see it in the best shape it’s ever been in.

  My gut churns at the thought of seeing my mom and sister after all this time. It doesn’t help that I’m still fucked up from my run-in with Anna last night. I knew I should have stayed away, and I know that I need to, more for her sake than mine, but after finding that bracelet I had to see her. I could’ve asked Jaxson to give it to her but for some reason I felt like it had to be me. And now I can’t get her fucking heartbroken expression out of my head. The pain that was in her eyes is one I know so well because I’ve also harbored it since the day I sent her away. Even though it was necessary it still fucking sucked, and it’s tormented me every day since.

  Blowing out a breath, I get off my bike and head toward what very well could be ano
ther disaster. I want to see my sister, I’ve missed her and I feel bad it’s taken me this long to let her know I’m out. As for my mom…I’m not sure I’m ready, but I’ve put it off long enough.

  I debate whether to just walk in or knock and decide to do the latter. My heart hammers against my chest at hearing the light approaching footsteps, but relief swamps me when it’s my sister who answers the door. Her hand flies to her mouth on a gasp, pure and utter shock resonating on her face. “L-Logan?” she stammers, as if she’s not sure it’s really me.

  “Yeah, Janey, it’s me.”

  She flings herself at me with a sob. “I can’t believe you’re really here.” She cries into my shoulder, clinging to me so tight I can barely breathe. “I’ve missed you so much.”

  My chest constricts as I hold her trembling body against me. “I’ve missed you, too.”

  She steps back, a big smile stretching across her face as she looks me over. I quickly notice how good she looks, how happy she seems. Something that I didn’t expect. I expected to come back here and see the same run-down house and my sister’s sad face at the life we were stuck with, except I don’t see that at all and it raises a million questions.

  “Well come on, come in.” She ushers me into the house. “Why are you knockin’ anyways?”

  I shrug, not really knowing what to say and follow her in. I immediately notice how clean the house is and the shape it’s in—I’m talking new carpet and paint. Even the counters and cabinets in the kitchen look relatively new.

  What the hell has gone on the last four years?

  Janey senses my thoughts. “A lot has changed—for the better,” she explains with a smile.

  “Yeah? Like what?” I’m dying to know because I’ve worried about my sister for so long—my mom too, but more my sister. I was the one to take care of them, and knowing I couldn’t be here to pay the bills was something that weighed heavily on me.

  She points to the sofa. “Sit down and I’ll explain, but first I want to know what you’re doing here. I thought,” she pauses, her expression turning somber, “I thought you still had two years left?”