Fighting with Honor Read online

  I reach over the children and grab her hand. Her fingers squeeze mine while her eyes remain on Parker.

  “When I heard that gunshot today,” she starts quietly, “I felt that same terror and devastation the day I lost my mama.” Her breath hitches as she tries to speak. “And all I could think was, surely God wouldn’t do this to me twice. That my babies wouldn’t be ripped away from me in the most cruel way.”

  The sob that flees her has me pushing from my spot in bed and coming over to her side. She turns into me, burying her face against my chest.

  “You guys are all I have, Sawyer,” she cries. “You’re the only ones that make my life worth living. I’d never survive losing y’all.”

  My jaw flexes, hating the fear and sorrow in her voice. “I swear to you, Grace, I’ll never let anyone hurt our family. No one will ever take this from us.” The rage that burns within my blood at the thought fucking terrifies me.

  Her hand moves to the side of my face, slender fingers fanning my jaw. “I know, and it’s only one of the many things that I love about you.”

  I drop a kiss on her lips, the taste of her tears fueling the ache in my chest. She snuggles in closer to me and it isn’t long before her breathing evens out and she falls back asleep.

  It’s hours later when sleep finally claims me and I’m able to drift off, only to wake up to a blood-curdling scream.

  “Daddy!”

  In the dark I see Hope sitting upright, screaming at the top of her lungs.

  I jump over Grace and Parker to reach her. “Shh, Shortcake. I’m right here.”

  She crawls onto my lap, her tiny arms squeezing my neck. “Don’t leave me,” she cries. “Don’t ever leave me again.”

  I bury my face in her hair, a fierce ache burning the back of my throat. “Never, Shortcake. I’ll never let you go.”

  It’s a promise I intend to keep until the day my heart fucking stops beating.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Faith

  The Walker residence

  Today, evil lurked in this town. It terrorized and threatened but it did not conquer.

  Only one other time in my life did I feel the terror and hopelessness that I did while standing outside of that school, and it was the week I spent in Iraq, where my freedom and body were stolen from me. Even back then, evil did not prevail. But knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to deal with the horror we all went through today.

  Now we sit, waiting with bated breaths, praying for the survival of a family member, one of my best friends. A woman who cared for all of our children when we couldn’t be there.

  The thought of Julia not pulling through is too devastating to comprehend and it has me crying harder.

  “Can I get you more tea?” Alissa asks, curling an arm around my shoulders.

  I shake my head, unable to speak past my flowing tears.

  Christopher walks into the kitchen with the phone in his hand, his expression grim. “That was Anna.”

  My heart lodges in my throat, fear gripping me to hear his answer.

  “Julia’s going to be okay.”

  “Oh thank God.” The breath I expel explodes on a sob, my knees close to giving out on me.

  Christopher gathers me in his arms, offering me the comfort I so desperately need. “Everything is going to be okay, Faith. Everyone is safe.”

  I nod. “What’s happening with Annabelle?”

  “She’s with Jaxson. Anna said he wouldn’t let her go home with them.”

  I’m not surprised, and I can’t say I blame him.

  Stepping back, I pull myself together, wiping the remainder of my tears. “I’m going to go let Cade know.”

  “Alissa and I are going to sleep here tonight,” he says. “We’ll stay in my old room. If you need anything come get me.”

  Warmth invades my heart at his kindness. Reaching up, I frame his face between my hands, loving the man he has become. “Thank you for being here.”

  “This is my family, Faith. I’ll always be here.”

  The softest smile touches my lips before I kiss his cheek then head upstairs to see Cade. A tightness forms in my belly, fearing what kind of shape I will find my husband in.

  He’s been distant and quiet since returning home. There’s a rage in his eyes that I haven’t witnessed in years but amongst that fury also lies fear—one he battles every day due to the loss of his sister—the fear of losing the ones he loves.

  Walking into our bedroom, I find him lying on the bed with an arm behind his head, his gaze trained on the ceiling. Mia is tucked into his side where he holds her close. Ruthie lies sleeping on the other side of Mia, her arm draped across her sister and Cade’s stomach.

  The sight brings a small measure of warmth to my heavy heart, that’s until Cade’s eyes shift from the ceiling and anchor on me. The pain buried in them strikes me all the way to my soul.

  My steps are quiet as I start forward. “Anna called,” I whisper, “Julia is going to be okay.”

  His chest deflates as he lets out a painful breath. “Thank christ for one thing going right.”

  Sitting next to him, my hand moves to his jaw, thumb sweeping over his firm lips. The blankness reflecting back at me leaves me feeling cold and helpless.

  “Talk to me.”

  “About what?”

  “About how you’re feeling.”

  His jaw flexes, teeth grinding. “I’m mad, Red. Really fucking mad.”

  “I can understand that. I’m pretty angry too but I’m also thankful for everyone’s safety, especially our children.”

  “Yeah, until next time.”

  “Hopefully there will never be one.”

  “Come on, Red. It’s a vicious cycle. This world is fucking heinous. Look at everything we’ve been through, it never stops.”

  “Exactly, look at everything we’ve been through, Cade, and yet here we are, hearts still beating,” I whisper, my hand moving to his chest. “Loving each other and raising a family.”

  He shakes his head, anger tightening his expression. “What if the next time we don’t come out on top? What if, after you’ve done everything in your power to protect your family and keep them safe, it’s still not enough? I can’t go through that again, Red. Not a second time.” His voice breaks, eyes lifting back to the ceiling as he tries to conceal his grief.

  Tears cloud my eyes, my heart aching to heal this pain he will always harbor. “At the end of the day all we can do is love one another and live our lives to the fullest. I have to believe that God brought us here for a reason. I have to hold onto that faith, we both do, because without faith there’s no hope.” My breath hitches as sobs build in my chest.

  His eyes shift back to mine, the unshed tears ripping through my wounded heart. He lifts his hand to my cheek, his hard expression softening. “I have all the faith I need right here.”

  Smiling, I lean into his touch, craving it like I do every day. His hand hooks behind my neck, bringing my lips upon his. He kisses away my tears while I try to inhale all of his fears.

  Eventually, I stretch out next to him, barely fitting on what’s left of the mattress. His arm bands around my back, tucking me in close to him as my head rests on his chest.

  “We got this, Cade,” I whisper, slipping my hand under his shirt to feel his warm skin. “We can get through this like we have everything else.”

  He drops a kiss on the top of my head. “Yeah, Red. We can.”

  He says that but I know this is something we will always battle, his fear of losing us runs so strong. But every day I will be here, giving him the unwavering love and faith to see him through.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Cooper

  The McKay residence

  The night is hot and air stifling as I sit on my front porch, staring out into the quiet dark. I tilt the bottle to my lips for another sip. The amber liquid burns my throat, spreading across my aching chest. I welcome the inferno, trying to mask the guilt that will no doubt plague me for the rest of my
life.

  I made a vow, a pledge to this town to protect it, and today, I failed.

  “Coop?” Kayla’s sleepy voice penetrates my misery. The screen door creaks as she steps outside. “What are you doing out here? It’s three in the morning.”

  My eyes remain ahead as I open my mouth to answer, but find I can’t speak past the restriction in my throat.

  When I don’t answer, she steps down and comes to kneel in front of me. Blue eyes that own every part of me appear before my hazy vision.

  “Oh, Coop,” she whispers, her hand going to my jaw. “It’s been a horrible day for us all.”

  That’s a fucking understatement.

  “Beck still in our bed?” I ask, my voice unrecognizable even to my own ears.

  “Yes, breathing and alive, thanks to you.”

  I grunt and take another swig from the crystal bottle.

  “Don’t do this to yourself.”

  “Do what, Kayla? Accept defeat? Accept the fact that I failed to do the one thing I always promised to do for this town and our children?”

  “You didn’t fail,” she counters. “All of those kids are alive right now and in their beds because of you and everyone else who broke into that school.”

  I shake my head. “It should have never happened. I should have prevented it. There was a fucking helicopter on the goddamn roof that no one saw.”

  “Exactly. No one saw it. They could have landed it in the middle of the night for all we know. None of that matters anymore.”

  “It fucking matters.”

  “No, it doesn’t! What matters is Julia is going to be okay and all of our kids are alive. That’s what matters and that’s what we need to focus on.”

  I drop my head, teeth grinding as I try to shake this unrelenting guilt that’s claiming me.

  “Look at me.” Kayla frames my face, forcing my eyes to her. “You cannot prevent the evil that walks this earth, that is not on you. But you can prevent them from hurting others and you did that today. You’re good at your job, Cooper. The best, just like you’re the best father. And a pretty decent husband, I guess.”

  A rough chuckle shoves from my throat.

  Even when she’s sad, she’s sassy.

  She wraps her arms around my neck, bringing her pretty face an inch from mine. “You’re the best man I know, and you’ll always be this town’s, and our family’s, hero. Never doubt yourself or our faith in you.”

  I’m not entirely sure I deserve that faith but I’m done talking about it. Reeling her in, I close the distance between our mouths and take what has always belonged to me.

  Afterward, she sits on the step below me and curls into my shirtless chest. “Give me some of that.” She grabs the bottle from my hand and takes an impressive swig.

  Minutes later, we move inside and crawl into bed with our children, my chest seizing up again as I stare down at my son, remembering how close I came to losing him today. A boy who put his terror aside to try and protect his aunt. One who tells me every day that he wants to be a cop and catch the bad guys.

  I’m proud to call him mine, and I will fight until my last fucking breath to ensure the safety of my family and this town.

  EPILOGUE

  Julia

  Two weeks later

  “I’ll bet you’re more than ready to go home and be with your family,” Nurse Betty says, taking the last of the release forms from me.

  “I most certainly am, but I appreciate everything you all have done for me here. Thank you.”

  Her smile is kind as she rests her hand on my shoulder. “It was our pleasure, honey. You have a good man there,” she says, her eyes shifting over to Jax.

  Warmth invades my heart as I gaze back at my husband. He leans against the wall, his fierce eyes penetrating my soul.

  “I do. He’s my best friend,” I tell her, my voice soft.

  Our lives were flipped upside down and irrevocably changed two weeks ago. There’s no way I would have gotten through it without him. He didn’t leave my side once and has been caring, attentive, and overbearing…but in the best way.

  A lot of Annabelle’s days have been spent here with us and nights with Anna and Logan. I know he must miss our daughter as much as I do. No matter how many times I told him he could leave, he refused. We’re both ready to be home and move on with our lives.

  A knock on the open hospital room door grabs my attention. Surprise flares inside of me to see it’s Ryder. “Ryder, hi.”

  “Hey, Julia…Jaxson.” He reaches for Jax’s hand, shaking it.

  The nurse excuses herself, leaving us in privacy.

  “I’m glad I caught you guys before you left. There’s someone who wants to say good-bye to you.” He waves for that someone to come in and my breath stalls at the sight of Connor and his mother.

  “Connor,” his name escapes me on a whisper. I’ve been asking about him constantly but no one would tell us anything except that he was safe.

  “Hi, Mrs. Reid,” he greets me, shifting nervously from foot to foot. The uncertainty in his eyes tugs at my heavy heart.

  Carefully, I scoot just a little closer to the edge of the bed and open my arms for him. “Come here.”

  He doesn’t hesitate walking into my embrace, his arms gentle from where I had surgery.

  “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been worried about you.”

  “He’s been worried about you, too,” his mother says. “He feels really bad about what happened. We both do.”

  Releasing him, I lift his small handsome face to mine. “I’m going to be just fine. What happened is not your fault or your mom’s. It’s no one’s fault but the bad guys. Understand?”

  He nods but looks unconvinced.

  A lot of guilt has been going around but all the wrong people have been shouldering it, especially my husband. It’s in his eyes every time he looks at me. We’ve talked about it a lot but I know it’s going to take time for all of us to get over what happened.

  “Now what’s this you’ve come to say good-bye?”

  Biting his lip, he directs a hesitant look over at Ryder.

  “Connor and his mother are being put into witness protection,” he explains. “Until we’re certain the threat against them is over.”

  Sadness grips me to know I won’t get to see him anymore but I had a feeling this would happen. “I guess I’m not allowed to know where?” I ask.

  Ryder shakes his head. “Sorry.”

  “I understand.” I look back at Connor, my hand moving to his small cheek. “I’ll miss you but what’s most important is your safety, and I have no doubt that Agent Jameson will make sure you and your mom are well taken care of.”

  “Thanks for being so nice to me,” he says. “Maybe one day I’ll be able to come back.”

  “I hope so. I’d really like that.”

  He gives me one more hug then joins Ryder and his mother at the door.

  “Thank you for being so good to both of us,” his mother says.

  I nod and offer her the best smile I can manage without bursting into tears. It isn’t until I get one last wave from Connor that the dam breaks.

  Jax pushes from the wall and comes to sit next to me, pulling me into his arms. “He’ll be okay, Jules. Ryder will make sure of it.”

  “I hate that they have to hide like this.”

  “I know, baby.” His hand coasts up and down my back, bringing me a comfort only he can.

  I tilt my face up to his. He wipes my tears away and drops a kiss to my forehead.

  My favorite kind of kiss.

  “You ready to get the hell out of here, Mrs. Reid?”

  Even after all this time, my heart still skips a beat when he calls me that. “More than ready.”

  At precisely that moment the nurse walks back in, pushing a wheelchair. “I just saw your company leave and figured I’d bring this by.”

  “The wheelchair isn’t necessary,” Jaxson says, climbing to his feet. “I’ll be carrying her out.”


  “Actually, as long as I move slow, I can walk,” I tell them.

  The nurse shakes her head. “Sorry, but it’s hospital policy. You have to leave in the wheelchair. But once you’re outside, your handsome husband can sweep you off your feet.”

  Smiling, she pushes the chair closer but Jax steps in front of it.

  “The only way my wife is leaving this hospital is in my arms.”

  “Jax,” I start, but he doesn’t let me speak, his attention remaining on the nurse.

  “Listen, there was a time I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to hold her again, let alone carry her, and I’m not going to let anyone take that privilege from me now. Policy or not.”

  My heart aches at the sorrow in his voice. It brings me back to the time years ago when we thought we lost each other forever because of Wyatt. It took so long to heal from that, and I fear this is going to take even longer.

  “I tell you what,” Nurse Betty says. “I’m going to leave this wheelchair here for you. If you choose not to use it I’ll have no idea because I’m headed for my break.” Her lips curve into a kind smile. “I wish you both the best.”

  I barely get the chance to thank her again before she walks out. Jax turns to me, not looking the least bit apologetic, but I didn’t expect him to.

  “Well,” I say, lifting my arms. “Are you going to whisk me off into the sunset?”

  Bending down, he scoops me up into his arms. “Yeah, and I plan to never let go.”

  Smiling, I press a kiss to his jaw and rest my head on his shoulder, relishing in what it feels like to be his.

  The afternoon sun feels like heaven on my skin as we walk outside. He’s careful as he deposits me into his truck and is even more cautious on the drive home, avoiding every pothole and bump.

  My pain is minimal thanks to the medication they have me on. The only downfall is it makes me sleepy, but right now I am too eager to finally be home and reunited with our daughter to feel anything but excitement.

  The moment we pull up to our house, Annabelle tears out the front door, a beautiful smile on her sweet face.

  “Mama, Daddy!”